The ASK can be hard….the LOVE will still be there.

Ugh, sometimes it is soooooo hard to put our children in hard situations we know will be hard for them and ask and require them to work through it.  

Knowing that they may not like it….or YOU….can hold everyone back from experiencing and accomplishing great things.  

Let me share a story with you.  

I had a little boy in swimming lessons for the first time.  He was just 4 years old and we will call him “Stevie”.  He was a first born child and had had a negative experience in swimming lessons in another program. 

“Stevie” absolutely did not want to be at swimming lessons.  He was quite vocal about this.  He told me multiple times in our 30 minute class that he did not want to learn to swim.

During this time, I listened to his requests to get out of the pool and I acknowledged that I understood that he did not want to do back floats.  I explained to him that it was very important to his mom and dad that he learn to swim so, even though he didn’t want to do the work, we were going to do it anyways.  

I told him that we were a team and I promised him that I would not let him go, we would do all the work together.  The battle of wills continued on and “Stevie” did all of the work required but made sure I knew he was NOT happy with it or with me.  At one point, while doing a back float, he was wiggling around and yelling at me, “I hate this and I don’t like you!!” (So, in my mind, this could have been worse.  He could have not liked the back float and hated me 😊 )  I told him that I understood but that we had to finish our work and I still liked him very much.

Before I go on with this story, I want to make sure you understand that this child had never laid eyes on me before, this pool was a new environment for him and I was asking him to do something he found to be very hard AND I was asking him to blindly trust me.

OK, back to the story.  To say that he had a very emotional 30 minute class would be an understatement.  Lots of tears were shed, he would not give me a high five after completing what I knew was good work.  He was mad at me and his mom and I told him that was totally OK and that I would see him the next week.

Lesson #2 started out far more difficult that lesson #1.  Now, he knew what to expect and he knew that I would be expecting him to work with me and do all these things that he didn’t want to do.  There were more tears, more loud refusal to work and more words spoken that were meant to generate some kind of an emotional response by me. 

I didn’t take the bait and by the time we hit the 20 minute mark, the emotion had lessened, a little bit.  The willingness to work together began to show through, a little bit.  I showed him that I kept my word and that I could be trusted to help him through this hard situation.  When he left the pool, I was granted a small wave good bye.

I was looking forward to seeing “Stevie” for lesson #3 because I knew we had made some progress the week before.  There were no tears as he walked in the door this day.  Huge accomplishment #1.  There were no tears as he sat down on the side of the pool with his classmates. Huge accomplishment #2.  I took a moment to tell him how glad I was to see him and how proud I was to see him be so brave.  I was granted the smallest of smiles.

Through this next 30 minutes I saw “Stevie” work up to the top of this “mountain” that he had told me he did not want to be on, I saw him realize what he had accomplished and I saw him be just a little bit proud of himself.  When he left the pool that day, I got a wave and a smile and a “Bye Miss Dayna”.

Now I will fast forward just a few weeks.  “Stevie” is doing things like back floats and front floats and blowing bubbles and jumping in to the pool.  These are all very hard things that a few weeks ago he was adamant that he could not and would not do.  I was just as adamant that he would and I told him and showed him that we would accomplish these things together. 

One class “Stevie” sat on the side of the pool and said “Miss Dayna?” and I responded “Yes?” 

He looked me straight in the eyes and said “I really love you.”

I think I may have audibly gasped and I know tears sprung in my eyes as I leaned forward to hug this sweet little boy who I had asked SO MUCH of and I said “Stevie, I really love you too.”

It was in that moment that I was reminded, it is OK to ask our children to do hard things.  They may not like us at first but here is what I know.

THEY WILL STILL LOVE YOU.

My challenge to you:  allow HARD things in to your child’s life.

Not every moment will be fun.  Not every moment will be successful.  Not every moment will be enjoyable, for them or for you.

Trust me…..I have asked HUGE things of my children (and I will share some of those things with you along the way).  I have had sleepless nights where I have worried that the ask was too big and that we wouldn’t get to the other side of it together, with our relationship in tact and LOVE in our hearts.

BUT WE DID.  EVERY. TIME.

Allowing your child the opportunity to do hard things will allow them the opportunity to go GROW and LEARN and UNDERSTAND that life is going to ask hard things of them AND they will learn all about success and failure, teamwork and self sufficiency just to name a few.

It will also allow you to the opportunity to show them you will ALWAYS be there to support them, to tell them REPEATEDLY how proud of them you are and walk WITH them through some of the hardest, yet best parts of their lives.

The ASK can be hard….the LOVE will still be there.

I speak from experience <3