This Empty Room Is My Parenting Success

Dear Mamas,

See this picture??

I truly hope that it gives you a whole lot of encouragement today.

I know. It only looks like it is just a picture of a bedroom with a little bit of furniture in it.

In actuality, I think it is my ULTIMATE picture of being a successful parent.

This picture is a true sign, living proof that I have successfully parented a son who, in 10 days, will be 20 years old.

My second born boy. My child that has been my biggest challenge and my greatest joy. (Not saying that my other 2 don’t bring my joy…they do, just in different ways.)

I remember the days where I wondered if he would ever sleep through the night or if he would ever be out of diapers or if he would ever stop crying. Then I wondered if he would ever be able to dress himself or feed himself or be a nice brother.

Is this the stage you are in with your little one??

Being the person who did everything for this child for years was sometimes overwhelming and tiring and emotionally exhausting and sometimes, not very fun. Yes, that is how I felt. Daily I think.

I loved and treasured being his mom during this phase, but some days, lots of days, it was hard. (and it is OK to admit it.)

Then there was the phase of elementary school and middle school. I wondered if we would ever get to the point where he would be able to do his homework by himself, study for a test without my constant help and direction, eventually drive himself or cook a meal for himself.

Maybe this is where you are at??

Being the person who was still doing so much for this child but at the same time trying, encouraging him to appropriately attempt things on his own was sometimes awesome and it was sometimes a disaster. I was doing me best to show him through example how to celebrate the wins but at the same time, work through difficult situations that did not have an easy or fast answer.

I was challenged the most in this phase because I had to be a doer of my word. I had to be the keeper of promises and the follow through-er of consequences. I had his eyes on me to hold me accountable to be the best I could be for him but also for myself.

As time went on and he did get a little older and a little more independent, some things did get easier, but there came the phase where I could not comprehend that he was in fact growing up and the day would come where he would be a teenager and in high school and after that grown, with a job and there was a very high possibility that he WOULDN’T need me anymore.

Maybe you are coming up to this phase with your child?? If not, it will be here before you know it. I swear they go from 6 to 16 in the blink of an eye.

Being the person who was teaching him to be independent was a little scary and a little rewarding at the same time. He could do laundry, cook a few meals, clean his bathroom….some of the things that are necessary adulting skills. He could pump gas, check his bank account, mail an actual letter….some of the things you don’t even think about having to teach someone.

I was honored to be his mom during this phase, as I watched him grow and become his own human being.

Yes, he got a couple part time jobs and graduated from high school. From there he was off to Marine Corps boot camp and is now in the Marine Corps Reserve. He has a full time job with a regular paycheck and some money in his savings account. He hugs his mom daily. He sends memes in text messages that make no sense but make me laugh. He brings home groceries if we need something. He is thoughtful and hardworking and now….

He has moved in to his own apartment.

I was so proud. Not one bit sad. Just proud.

Proud of him for getting to this point in his young life.

You know that saying, “The days are long but the years are short”?

True.

All of it.

Through all those years, all those situations and teachable moments that were hard, and really not fun, they were all worth it.

Because they produced this moment for him. But they also produced a moment for me.

Standing and looking at that empty room, I allowed myself a moment to be proud of me for being a part of the process of creating an adult.

For me, this empty room does not make me sad or long for the years that have passed.

For me, this empty room does not mean my son is gone.

For me, this empty room means I have done my job well.

So, today I encourage you to completely live in the moments and the process of creating your successful human being.

One day you may find yourself standing and looking at your family’s version of an empty room.

And on that day, I hope you take a moment to be proud.

I will be over here, in this empty room, being proud of you too.